I have seen a few memes recently that talk about forgiveness. My take on forgiveness is given to me by God; He says that Patty is to forgive everyone!
I have learned for me that this works VERY well!!!
When I first got clean, I had way more resentments than I care to remember. When I did my first 4th Step, I had pages of resentments. It was very good for me to put my resentments on paper, look at them, then look at MY part in them. That is when I realized that “I” had huge, huge parts in every single one of those resentments! (Mostly it was about people not acting the way that I thought they should act.) After looking at my part in those resentments, I realized that I could not hold onto them since most of them were my fault, so I let go of 20 years of resentments towards my hubby, and resentments towards friends, and family too. I also realized just how heavy resentments are!
Holding on to a resentment sometime “feels” good and empowering. Sometimes it really is fun to play with the anger and the empowerment of “just how horrible they are” and “how they treated me”, but truly, they are “heavy”. A lot heavier than I am willing to deal with today! Not holding on to resentments is something that I practice today. I have not carried a resentment in over 5 years. This works very well for me!
I have decided that I am going to forgive everyone for every offense that I even perceive that they have made to me!! They do not have to ask for forgiveness, I am just going to do it if I get upset in any way at them. I am not forgiving them for them, I am forgiving them for me!!! It is not on them if I am angry with them. Most of the time when I hold a resentment the other person has no idea about it. I am just better in my head when I forgive everyone immediately!! And how things are in my head is a very important thing in my life today.
I have done, and still do daily many things that I want and need to be forgiven for. So, if I want and need to be forgiven, how dare I not forgive others!!! This was taught to me by God and the steps in early recovery and it is something that I do my best to live by daily!