During my scripture study the other day I realized something consciously for probably the 100th time, but at that moment it was exactly what I needed!! And it felt brand new.
I fight negativity in my head daily. Whether it’s what we addicts refer to as.”the disease of addiction” or whether it’s just part of being human, or if it’s the adversary, I don’t know. And it doesn’t matter! What matters is that I don’t give in to it!
Some minutes it is trying to get me to use; sometimes it is spouting the all too familiar “you aren’t good enough and you never will be” in one form or another; sometimes it is trying to get me to buy into self-pity; sometimes it is whispering a name that I shouldn’t be thinking about; other times it is griping incessantly about “them” and how bad they are.
A lot of days it “feels” like a constant battle, but that isn’t reality, that’s just how it “feels”.
So, I work consistently to keep my gratitude at the “front” of my brain. That really helps counteract the negativity!
As I was writing about all of this in my journal the other day, and as the words “and it is all worth it!” came to mind, the Spirit testified to my heart the truth of that statement!!
It IS worth it! You see, I spent years listening to that voice in my head and doing what it wanted. The thing is, that never made it quiet down, it only made it louder. Listening to that “voice” made me miserable!! I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that living in “self will” (blatant disobedience to God’s laws) only makes my life completely unmanageable and me miserable!! I lived there for years!
So today, no matter how ” hard” I sometimes “think” it is to “fight” the negativity in my head by praying, reading and studying the scriptures, going to meetings, being of service, etc. It is worth it, because today, even on my hardest day: I don’t have to use drugs to “get right”; I don’t have to act out on my character defects; I don’t have to react; I don’t base my decisions on my “feelings” I base them on facts; I have some peace and serenity; I have people who love me and understand me and others who may not understand but love me anyway! So, even on those rough days, it is so worth it!!
Today, I have a relationship with God that I never imagined was possible, today I know how to forgive, today I know how to accept personal responsibility, today I have the companionship of the Spirit, today I’m learning how to practice unconditional love and a whole list of other spiritual principles!!
For me, right now, this picture means “Hope” and I love me some hope!!