My sister, Debbie Caple, died on February 23, 2016. What a blow to our whole family. She was 46. Grief is hard to explain. The visual that I think I agree most with is of waves. Some days is feels like the grief is just washing over me, and others if feels less “enveloping”.
I thought that for this, the 3rd anniversary of her death, I would do a tribute to her. I might do one every year, who knows. In this I am going to be putting lots of pictures, and I will do some chatting about my Sis. Yes there are going to be lots of tears probably for those of us that love her, but I think that’s ok. I am also going to be including content from friends and family members.
By Sarah Caple:
1969, the year of Woodstock and men on the moon.
It was also the year my Mom was born.
When she was 20, she had my brother,
A few years later she met my Dad,
and at 28 she had me.
She told me stories of the early day of our little family, like searching the couch cushions for change because they didn’t have money,
or me kicking my dad out of the bed because I would only sleep if I was by her.
She was always so vibrant and loving.
She was hardworking but always had time for us.
Then one day everything changed.
In the blink of an eye and car accident on Hwy 64,
Our happy life came crashing down.
I didn’t understand why I would hear crying,
She slept all the time
I didn’t understand why we lost everything but each other.
I didn’t understand why she lost her job.
She took so many pills.
My brother tried to hide them from her.
I did know that she was pain.
I did know that she tired.
I did know that she loved me.
For awhile there, life was terrible.
But it was in that terrible time, she became my role model.
Life punched her in the face but she never quit,
Sure she slipped but she never slid all the way down.
She taught me to be brave, and kind and to love myself.
She taught me that quitting isn’t an option no matter how bad you want to.
She taught me it’s okay to slip and fall as long as I get back up again.
I never would have thought that at the age of 18,
I would have to Google “how to deal with the death of my mom”
But I did.
I never thought that she wouldn’t be there to see my highschool graduation
Pick out my wedding dress
Be here to spoil her future grandbabies
But she won’t be.
And that’s something that I have to deal with..
But I know that while her body is dead,
Her spirit is alive.
And so is her memory.
How she had purple hair,
Five tattoos and a nose piercing.
How she smelled like Chloe Narcisse perfume and Marlboro Reds.
How she always held me after a bad day.
She was the best Momma a girl could ever ask for, and
I miss her an indescribable amount,
But I know she’s better off, as painful as that is to say.
I know that she’s happy, and she doesn’t hurt anymore.
I know that she’s not alone,
And neither am I.
She’s always with me.
Every sunny day,
Every gentle breeze,
Every beat of my heart,
I know that you are in a better place now and no longer have pain or sadness, for that I am happy and grateful. Down here we have selfish feelings and reasons for being sad and missing our loved ones. Like today, it’s a normal rainy Saturday morning and I am at work, but it not normal at all for me or our family, it is a sad day. The day you left our world and found peace, for us it is hard and we miss you. I miss you.
Growing up with you as my aunt was amazing. You never treated me different or got mad at me for my life decisions and you just loved me. You helped me when or if I needed it and you knew that you could always come to me if you needed anything, or at least I hope. I have many very fond memories with you and stories I have heard from before my time.
Some fond memories that I have of you and with you are as follows: Halloween was of course some of my favorite, planning parties and making decorations and watching scary movies. Just loving all things Halloween, I have a shirt that says “Halloween is a lifestyle not a Holiday” I just know that you would have loved it. That horrible night that sissy broke her arm and you were ready and willing to take us to Little Rock Children’s hospital two days before Christmas so that sissy could have a pin put in her arm and get a cast. That is love right there. I will always be thankful that you did that and love you even more for it.
There is this song that was played at your funeral called “You should be here,” and I still cannot listen to it at all. I hear it come on the radio and I change it. If I hear it in public, I cry. The song is beautiful and absolutely correct. You definitely should be here to see your amazing daughter become a wonderful person and woman. I am so proud of her.
I could write about all the things I remember or even the things I loved most about you, but I believe that you would rather hear about your daughter and how beautiful she has become and how proud I am of her. So that is what I will do.
Sarah Leann has blossomed into this wonderful bubbly charismatic woman. She did go through some tough times after you passed and then again after Forrest passed, but she let herself feel all the emotions and she got through them, she did not let this very hard thing stop her from living her life. She did go to college and she loved it, she has not finished yet. She is still this loving ball of glitter and sunshine. I am so proud of her. She lives a few towns away from the rest of the family but has flourished. She has a job that she may not love but pays the bills. She has her own place, and has remained her ever confident self. Young adulthood is for finding yourself and discovering what you want. I love that she has started travelling some with her friends and yet still remains connected to her family. The balance she has discovered, hard learned yes, but she has done it, is beautiful. I do anything and everything that I can to help her when she asks, I do not force the help, she has got this.
Phil monster has had it a little rougher, he has to deal with the other side of his family which no one should have to, but he has a good job and is reconnecting with his father, and that seems to be doing him some good. He needs more good in his life, he deserves it.
Both of your children are alive and well. They may go through hard times but they both still laugh and smile and are very much loved.
I wish so much that my children could have grown up with you in their lives. I will never forget you and I will damn sure share your stories and memories with them. I love you. Goodbye for now.
Love your forever thankful niece, Amy Cowan
Here is the link to a video that Debbie’s best friend all through high school and all through her life made after she passed. I had to put it in here that way because I couldn’t figure out how to imbed it. Thank you Twanette for letting me use it.
We had a really rough two years. Debbie died February 23, 2016, then her husband Forrest died July 23, 2017 then our dad died October 16, 2017. Debbie’s was fast, she had her episode where she died and her body was brought back the same day that her body actually gave up (the 23rd). Forrest’s wasn’t the same. He had a wreck on Wednesday morning where he died, they brought his body back, and he wa alive in the hospital until Sunday. After all of the tests on Saturday where we found out that there was no brain activity and he couldn’t survive. his daughter made the heart wrenching decision to turn off life support on Sunday afternoon. Dad got sick in September and ended up in the hospital with congestive heart failure. We learned that he had a problem with his aortic valve during the week that he was in the hospital. He made the dicision to not have any medical procedures to lengthen his life. He was discharged from the hospital and went to stay with Beth for a while. He died at Beth’s house on Monday October 16th in front of Gabe, Beth and Jaiden. Rough, rough couple of years. We are tough and we have and will continue to survive this thing called life.
What I have learned so far through this grieving process: I have learned that my feelings will not kill me. There have been minutes that I thought the grief would completely overwhelm me, but it didn’t. I have been able to find comfort from Jesus. He has helped me bear the heavier heartache that I feel not having Deb here. I have learned that grief is comparable to the love felt for a loved one. I loved my sister. She is who I grew up with. I never knew a time when she wasn’t around. We didn’t always get along, but we always loved eachother. The grief I feel in the missing of her has even surpassed the grief I have of my parents. Mom left way to early, but it is the “way of things” to lose a parent, not a sister at 46. We have all cried too many tears since she passed. There are so many times that I there is something going on that I want to share with her. So many times that I want to talk to her about a memory that we share. I want her to be here to help us morn mom and dad. I wish she was here to help Beth and I get through these feelings of being orphans.
I hope this tribute helps us all remember her fondly today. Yes, I have cried many times putting this together and I’m sure I will cry more. But, Debbie, I love you and wanted to do a little something special about it today.
Here is my promotional section. I have to try to make money sometimes. If you are interested in any of the things that I post here, or any shopping that you would like to do on amazon.com, purchase them through my links so that I will get paid. Please & Thank you!!
In honor of Debbie, all of the links to Amazon.com will have something to do with her.
Since liked to wear her hair purple, here are some purple hair extension clips.
Here is the link to the first book in one of her favorite book series. They are rated “R” for adult content. She loved this series and talking about these books gave us something in common again after I got clean, it was good to have something to talk to my sister about!